It’s hard to get much funnier than The Onion. Here are some of this area blogger’s favorites – The 10 Funniest Video Game Stories From The Onion:
10. Video-Game Characters Denounce Randomly Placed Swinging Blades (August 9, 2001)
WASHINGTON, DC–A coalition of video-game characters representing the nation’s leading systems appeared before Congress Monday to decry “the pointless, deadly presence” of spinning blades in video-game landscapes. “We are here to demand an end to the shockingly casual placement of dangerous blades in our places of work,” said Tomb Raider star Lara Croft… (Continue Reading…)
9. Half Of 26-Year-Old’s Memories Nintendo-Related (January 12, 2008)
In fact, the only school-related memory he is able to review as vividly as the underwater-bomb-defusing level of Nintendo Entertainment System‘s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is his first day of college, which was spent playing multiplayer GoldenEye 007 with his roommates… (Continue reading…)
8. Local Man Exhausted After Long Day Of Video Games (May 2, 2001)
“I’m totaled,” said Broskowski, tossing his PlayStation 2 controller onto the floor following one last “cool-down” game of Madden 2001. “That shit really takes it out of you.” (Continue Reading…)
7. Video-Game Character Feeling Healthier After Eating Turkey Leg Off Ground (September 6, 2006)
6. Wii Video Games Blamed For Rise In Effeminate Violence (March 17, 2008)
WASHINGTON—Concerned parents are again blasting the Nintendo Wii for an incident of effeminate violence following a 13-year-old boy’s limp-wristed attack on three of his classmates at a Cleveland-area middle school Tuesday. (Continue Reading…)
5. Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children for the Apocalypse? (February 24, 2009)
4. Xbox 360 Features (November 21, 2005)
(Click picture to enlarge.)
3. Bush Cites The Last Starfighter As Inspiration For Entering Politics (May 7, 2003)
“Just minutes into the film, I found myself relating deeply to Alex, the lead character played by Lance Guest,” Bush said. “He lived in a trailer park and had little opportunity to advance himself. His only escape was playing video games.” (Continue reading…)
2. Video-Game Character Wondering Why Heartless God Always Chooses ‘Continue’ (August 1, 2001)
“Is this all there is?” asked Snake, hiding in a storage locker while two masked guards searched for him in the hold of a cargo ship. “Is this why I was created? To suffer? Will I ever escape this endless loop of grueling labor followed by violent death?” (Continue reading…)
1. Ghost Of Christmas Future Taunts Children With Visions Of PlayStation 5 (December 18, 2002)
“You know how kids are—a year is an eternity to them,” the wraithlike specter said Monday during a visit to the Southfield home of 13-year-old Josh Kuehn. “So just imagine showing them something they’ll have to wait 14 years for. Teasing them with a glimpse of the PS5 is the ultimate torture. They absolutely lose their minds.” (Continue reading…)
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