It’s a dangerous job, prowling the back alleys and seedy apartment couches we’re forced to traverse on the Video Game beat. But it’s our job to bring you the news, no matter how gritty.
Here’s a run-down of the Top 9 Video Game-Related Crimes and Accidents for the Month of March, 2009:
9. Man Threatens To Kill Over PlayStation (News Courier)
“When his [console] was missing and presumed stolen Wednesday, he called Athens Police Department and said he wanted his PlayStation back or he was going to kill somebody,” said Capt. Marty Bruce.”
You know, we can actually kind of relate…
8. Falling Video Game System Hits Car (Penn Live)
“A Carlisle woman is facing multiple charges after police accused her of throwing a PlayStation video game system out of a third-story window. … They said it destroyed a set of miniblinds on the way out the window, then landed on a car that was driving by on the street below. … Cumberpatch was charged with propulsion of missiles…”
We believe this may have been the first time that the words “destroy” and “miniblinds” were used in the same sentence. Trust us, it won’t be the last.
7. Child Offered For Sale Over Xbox Live (Charlotte Sun)
“According to the Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office, the message originated from Xbox Live, where a member posted Manos’ number, along with the statement, ’selling a child, will pay for shipping.’ ‘When I saw it, I wanted to hurt someone,’ Manos said.”
Before casting judgment, look inside yourself – who among us hasn’t tried selling babies over the internet?
6. Man Drops Dead While Playing Wii Fit (Switched via The Sun)
“‘We spoke to him on the phone when he was playing the Wii. He told us he had just ordered himself a kebab and was sitting there with a glass of port. A little while after he collapsed.’”
This confirms what we’ve always suspected to be true: exercise sucks.
5. Wii Stolen In Break-In At Senate Game Critic’s Home (Game Politics)
“A Nintendo Wii was among items taken in a burglary of the Topeka home of U.S. Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS), reports the Topeka Capital-Journal. Brownback [is] a long-time critic of the video game industry.”
Longtime critic of video games who secretly owned a Wii at home. We’re shocked that any politician – especially a Republican Senator – could be so hypocritical. Wait a second – no we’re not.
4. “Guitar Hero Bandit” Gets Eight Years In Prison (OC Register)
“A 35-year-old man who robbed a Wells Fargo bank inside a supermarket while wearing a Guitar Hero T-shirt faces eight years in prison, U.S. prosecutors reported Tuesday. … During a search of Malicek’s apartment, agents found several documents indicating a post-robbery spending spree, which included the purchase of a truck that had been decorated with the Guitar Hero bumper sticker, prosecutors reported.”
We’re especially impressed that there were not only documents about the truck, but also “documents” about the Guitar Hero bumper sticker. That must be one hell of a bumper sticker.
3. Man Charged With Stealing Video Game Systems – Including His Sister’s (Sheboygan Press)
“Holly Schnee, of Cedar Grove, reported Friday that someone had broken into her home on Main Street and taken a PlayStation 2, Xbox, about 20 video games and a box of checks. … The next day, authorities were called to Schrieber’s parents’ home after his younger sister saw him come over with two friends and take another sister’s Nintendo DS video game system.”
This is what happens when brothers and sisters don’t learn to share.
2. Man Stabbed Partner To Death After She Became Obsessed With Playing Grand Theft Auto (Daily Mail)
“Malcolm Palmer was kicked out of the marital bedroom by his partner of 30 years Carol Cannom, who spent night after night playing the violent computer game Grand Theft Auto. She replaced him with a 37-inch plasma TV screen for her all-night PlayStation sessions, leaving him to spend cold evenings alone in the conservatory at their home.”
First ever jealous rage where the dude was jealous of a video game? We can’t wait for the inevitable ripped-from-the-headlines episode of SVU.
1. Mom Leaves Special Needs Child Locked In Car To Go Play Video Games (CBS 12)
“Evylon Keys Hrusovsky, of Fort Pierce, was arrested and charged with felony child neglect after her 5-year old special needs son was left locked in a car for over an hour while she played video games at a local arcade. … She claimed she was only inside the arcade for a few minutes. After police pulled the video from the arcade, they saw she was inside for almost 90 minutes.”
Hey, at least no one can say she didn’t have an excellent excuse.
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