We’re sad to report that despite our going public with The Top Video Game Crimes of March 2009, the societal problem of gaming-related crimes has only risen in the last month. In fact, we had too many choices when composing this month’s police blotter.
One day, video games will fulfill their destiny as the bringers of peace to the land, but until that day comes, we’ll be here, patrolling the streets and keeping citizens safe from the bad apples who threaten the matrix.
Here are The Top 15 Video Game Crimes for the Month of April, 2009:
April 2: Man Robs St. Lucie County Arcade Worker (WPBF) (Update)
“A St. Lucie County arcade worker was attacked and robbed Wednesday night. … The victim said he forced his hands into her apron, grabbed about $150 and ran away toward the north.”
Because nothing is more enticing to a hardened criminal than an apron full of quarters.
April 6: Man Robs Video Game Store Clerk At Gunpoint (Orlando Sentinel)
A man posing as a video-game enthusiast robbed a game store at gunpoint early Sunday. … Just before 1 a.m. a man in his 30s posed as a customer at the Game Zone, 5126 Conway Road, and asked for help to purchase a video game…
We love the use of the word enthusiast here. “Greetings, I’m a video game enthusiast. I’m really enthused about playing some Xbox tonight, or maybe heading down to the arcade. By the way, your money or your life.”
April 8: Dad Finds Ecstasy In Used Grand Theft Auto IV Game Case (Neoseeker)
“Thornhill said he felt a lump in the case when it set it down, and the neatly wrapped tablets fell out when he opened the case to investigate. ‘I know they are Ecstasy tablets because they have the Mitsubishi sign on top of them,’ explained the father of two. … ‘The store asked us to bring back the game and the tablets and told us we’d get a refund, but that’s not good enough. They shouldn’t be asking us to give the tablets back – what are they going to do with them?’”
Good question, Dad. Oh, and while we’re asking questions, how exactly did you know what ecstasy looks like…? Yeah, that’s what we thought.
April 9: Home Invaders Nab PlayStation (Topeka Capitol-Journal)
“The men, wearing masks and armed with guns, kicked in the door at 911 S.E. 33rd, stole the male occupant’s money and his video game console, dispatchers said. There was no further information available.”
The PlayStation is gone – no further information is necessary.
April 9: Man Arrested In Killing Of Friend While Playing Video Game (San Diego Union-Tribune)
“Detectives determined that the men were playing a war video game and Echols pointed the gun at Urbina and it went off. Echols did not immediately report the shooting to authorities and by the time he did it was too late to save the injured man, Pendleton said. That fact, along with other inconsistencies in his story, led to his arrest.”
So let’s get this straight – he called the cops on himself, but he waited a while first. And what was he doing all that time? Hmm… he couldn’t have been finishing the game, could he?
April 11: Xbox System Stolen During Break-In (Chatham Daily News)
“An Xbox and games were stolen from a home on Orchard Heights in Chatham. Theives entered the home through an insecure window, Chatham-Kent police said. The resident said it will cost $650 to replace the stolen property.”
But the high scores stored within were priceless.
April 13: Thieves Steal TVs, Wii Games From Rent-A-Center Stores (Tampa Bay Online)
“Four men between the ages of 20 and 25 broke drove into the front of the store, then stole a wide screen television set, several notebook computers and several Wii game systems, Tampa police Lt. Diane Hobley-Burney said.”
Security tapes later revealed hours of footage of thieves playing Wii on wide screen TVs.
April 14: Woman Watches On Webcam As Her House Is Burgled, Wii Stolen (Illawarra Mercury)
“Jeanne Thomas … watched online in real-time as the men ate food from her fridge, stole Nintendo games and scared her pets. The 43-year-old immediately called police to raise the alarm. … ‘There’s a man in my house and he’s robbing it,’ she said. ‘And the cat’s like freaking out. No, he’s walking next to my stereo. He’s looking at my son’s video games. He’s rummaging through the house.’”
Forget the Wii – what kind of monster freaks out a cat?
April 15: Break-ins Frustrate Tahoe Video Game Store Owner (Tahoe Daily Tribune)
“At about 4:30 a.m. on Saturday, thieves broke into the recently repaired storefront, stealing two PlayStation 2 consoles, two Nintendo DS systems, six Gameboy games and about six PlayStation 2 games. … The incident marks the third time in the past year someone has broken the window during burglary attempts. … Fixing the window again, as well as installing security bars, won’t be cheap. ‘That’s $1,500 just in the last week … and we’re in the slow season,’ Mara said.”
We didn’t realize there were “seasons” for stealing PlayStations. We have so much to learn.
April 15: 13-Year Old Tries to Trade Handgun for PlayStation Portable (KIRO)
“TACOMA, Wash. — A middle school in Tacoma was locked down Wednesday afternoon after a 13-year-old boy was found with a gun. The boy brought the gun to Mason Middle School to trade with another student. KIRO 7 reporter Kevin McCarty said the boy was going to trade it for a PlayStation Portable.”
What’s the big deal? We got our Xbox in trade for carrying out three contract kills.
April 20: Large Man Robs Video Game Store With Box Cutter (WWLT)
“SLIDELL – A clerk at a video game store was held up by a man carrying a box cutter who demanded money and Wii Game Cards.”
But not necessarily in that order.
April 20: Man Jailed For PlayStation Threat (BBC)
“A man has been jailed for threatening a woman with a BB gun in a row over PlayStation games he had lent to her. During an appearance at Glasgow High Court last month, Robert Brown, 33, admitted threatening Caroline Bannatyne and holding the weapon to her head. Brown told Ms Bannatyne she was ‘getting it’ unless she paid him £35 for the games, which he claimed were scratched.”
Oh, well why didn’t you say they were scratched in the first place? Surely, that mitigates the extreme, senseless violence.
April 21: Police: Dad Beat Son Over Poor Performance In Video Game (Cincinnati Enquirer)
“Terry Taulbee, 50, was held Tuesday on a domestic violence charge at the Hamilton County jail. Taulbee is accused of hitting the boy on his lower back and buttocks, leaving a large red hand mark, court records state. The area swelled and caused pain for the child. The victim’s mother told police Taulbee became upset when the boy didn’t play a video game well.”
Once again, at least there was a perfectly reasonable explanation. The man just wanted his son to master Crash Bandicoot.
April 22: Three PlayStation Thieves Caught In Folsom (NewsBlaze)
“Police were contacted by Costco employees on Monday, at approximately 7:43 PM, regarding two men inside the store stealing Sony PS3 play stations. … Costco employees told police they were alerted by other area Costco store loss prevention officers, of multiple thefts of Sony PS3 PlayStations and a possible related vehicle.”
So if we’re reading this right, Costco cracked the case. Can we get these guys on the hunt for Bin Laden?
April 29: Video Game Addiction Blamed For Alleged Theft (Wisconson State Journal)
“The former treasurer of a University of Wisconsin-Madison fraternity blamed an addiction to video games for his alleged theft of more than $12,000 from the fraternity’s coffers… He used a fraternity debit card to buy video games because his own bank account is linked to his parents’ and he did not want them seeing that he spent his money on the games. … The purchases totaled about $12,280.”
If this guy wins, then we are gonna commit so many crimes – and walk free, thanks to this perfect (and accurate) defense.
Comments