Everyone is talking about the interview where Terminator: Salvation producer Dan Lin announced that not only is he producing the next Lara Croft movie, but that the story will be a reboot of the Tomb Raider story featuring a younger, possibly teenage, Lara.
So long, Angelina – go adopt yet another kid because we’re done with you, and by Hollywood standards, you’re old and worn out. You should have stayed in the real world, where you’d still be considered young and beautiful by any rational human being. But this is showbiz, baby, and at this point, Angelina is about two steps removed from Rue McLanahan.
The big rumor is that Megan Fox (above) will take over the role, but we think that’s probably just wishful thinking on the part of the nation’s fanboys. She’ll be old news soon, too, although we’d be lying if we said we couldn’t imagine her in the part. In fact, we can imagine her in a lot of … parts.
One thing’s for sure – whoever is chosen, this kid is not going to be happy:
Brighten up, little fighter. There are plenty of great starlets out there. Here are the Top 10 Actresses We’d Like To See Play Lara Croft In The New Tomb Raider Movie:
10. Summer Glau – We’ve already seen her kick major ass on the Terminator TV series, and even though Fox canceled her show, this is one hot Summer. (Get it?)
9. The Octomom – We advocate this because (a) she already made herself look sort of like a more-horrifying version of Angelina, and (b) this will be a good distraction to keep her from making 14 more babies.
8. Mila Kunis – We forgot Sarah Marshall as soon as we saw her in that dress.
7. Tina Fey – Because Lara Croft really needs to be more neurotic.
6. This crazy lady – We first saw her in this list of the 13 Worst Lara Croft Wannabes, and now we can’t get her picture out of our minds. No matter how hard we try.
5. This crazy lady – We first saw her in a music video rapping with an animated cat, and her behavior has only gotten more bizarre in the years since.
4. Sarah Silverman – She’s got beauty and she’s got the balls to go after the bad guys. If they decide to take this movie in a more comedic direction (which they won’t), look no further.
3. Evangeline Lilly – Lost is almost over – we need to find a good reason to keep her from changing out of that tank top.
2. Malin Akerman – We would watch her in anything. Get it? No seriously, it’s funny because she was in a movie with that word.
1. Sarah Palin – Because she’s already got experience shooting defenseless animals from the safety of a helicopter – and that’s half the battle.
Honorable Mention: Rue McClanahan – After we wrote about her at the beginning of this post, we realized Rue may be the best choice of all. If she can do a British accent, she’s golden.
Looking for more funny stuff? Check out the world’s most apathetic adult film!
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