Batman is probably the most bad ass character of all time. He’s like James Bond plus Sherlock Holmes plus 500 Ninjas rolled into one — with a little mental instability and a ton of money thrown in for good measure. You would think that’s a recipe for video game success, but no! Almost every other Batman video game has sucked Clayface’s d*ck… until NOW!
The wait is finally over. The most anticipated superhero game of all time just hit shelves. No, we’re not talking about “Chex Quest.” We’re talking about “Batman: Arkham Asylum.” Look, we understand why some of you might be on the fence about this game. So throw on your cape, slip into your obscenely uncomfortable spandex Bat-suit and get your brood on as we give you 5 Reasons Why “Batman: Arkham Asylum” Is The Best Batman Game Ever Made!
5. Better Graphics = Eye Candy
Remember when Lara Croft first appeared in a game and was supposed to be sexy, but her boobs looked like somebody shoved a couple of cardboard boxes down her shirt? Yeah, well thankfully those days are over. Everyone’s favorite Joker henchgirl is now sporting a slutty French maid costume. Screw awful design choices. We’ll take it for the boobies!
4. More like “The Dark Knight” and less like Adam West
Don’t get us wrong. We love Adam West, but 30 hours of carrying around a novelty-sized bomb is going to get old sometime.
3. Luke Skywalker plays The Joker
One of the best parts about “Batman: Arkham Asylum” is that it features some truly geekgasm-worthy voice over talent from “Batman: The Animated Series.” To any Bat-fanboy out there, we all know that Kevin Conroy IS Batman and Mark Hammill IS The Joker. We wouldn’t complain if there was an unlockable Luke Skywalker Joker-skin, though.
2. The game isn’t a crappy Collect-A-Thon
We’re going to be honest. We only played “LEGO Batman” because it was probably the best Batman game on the market for the last decade, but that’s not saying too much about the repetitive game play. Also, who plays with LEGOs at our age? (We know how old you are.) You’re probably going to want to keep that to yourself or the LEGO fan community. Becoming such a shut-in that you can’t even get off the couch to touch actual, physical bricks to build with and instead go around collecting digital versions of the same thing? Yikes.
1. It doesn’t suck.
No, really. This is an important one. Rather than continue ranting at you, we’ll let the pretty moving pictures do the talking.
This post was written by Justin Michael, who is only slightly embarrassed by the huge Batman boner he’s got right now.
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