So we hear the economy’s turning around or something (These 5 Institutions Hardest Hit By The Recession breathe a sigh of relief.), which means that hopefully people will stop getting their homes foreclosed on, and they will start building and buying new houses. But once we’re all eating caviar on gold platters on our diamond crusted yachts again, we’re going to need to find a good place to call home (and get out of our house porsche). Choices, choices… where to go… where to move to? Well, you could read “Newsweek” for the 10 best places to raise kids or “Time Magazine” for the 10 happiest cities in the U.S., but here at Comedy.com, we’re not quite on this plane of existence, so we’ve got the 10 Best Video Game Cities To Live In. May you find your digital home sweet home where you can live and retire in peace… or pieces.
10. Green Hill Zone (“Sonic the Hedgehog”)
Why here?
The Green Hill Zone (or GHZ as you’ll call it once you’re a native) is a beautiful expanse of quasi-pristine nature, mostly untouched by human hands. With lovingly checkerboarded soil, rolling hills and naturally forming stone loops, it’s not only a feast for the eyes, but it’s a thrill to behold. Imagine what fun you’ll have commuting to work through the Zone’s steep drops and loops.
Possible drawbacks:
Since the Green Hill Zone is undeveloped, you may have to contend with such hazards as roaming monsters, supersonic hedgehogs and the occasional mad robotic scientist, but that’s just par for the course when you’re living away from the big city.
9. PacLand (“PacLand”)
Why here?
PacLand is a quaint little place, with modern, colorful architecture, good schools and well-kept roads and playgrounds. It’s got the perfect mix of small-town life, right on the edge of forested expanses. You’ll be living in the same town as Pac-Man, one of video game’s biggest celebrities, but he’s not just a celebrity, he’s a community activist, keeping the town neat, clean and mostly ghost-free. Mostly.
Possible drawbacks:
Well, there is the whole ghost thing. they seem to be drawn to Pac-Man like a moth to a flame, but like we said, he’s pretty much got the problem under control. Your mileage may vary.
8. Rapture (“BioShock”)
Why here?
The city of Rapture is a beautiful underwater Utopia, completed in 1946 by billionaire Andrew Ryan to escape from the political, social, and religious anxiety of a post-World War II world. Just off the coast of Reykjavik, Iceland, it’s got all you’d ever need– or at least it used to. Currently, it’s not for the faint of heart, but if you’ve got the time and the elbow grease for this charming fixer-upper, you and the family will have your very own underwater paradise. How many people can say that?
Possible drawbacks:
Did we mention that it’s a bit of a fixer-upper? What we meant to say is that it’s a really big fixer upper. And you may have some rather surly ex-residents to deal with on occasion, but once they see the good work you’re doing to restore Rapture to its previous state, they’re bound to be good neighbors and help pitch in. And if that doesn’t work out, we hear Reykjavik is nice.
7. Midgar (“Final Fantasy VII”)
Why here?
If you’re a fan of an urban environment as well as marveling in all the splendor that modern engineering has to offer, you can’t find a better place than Midgar. It is hands down the most technologically advanced city ever created, it’s got absolutely stunning one-of-a-kind futuristic architecture, great schools, fine dining and a lively shopping district where you’ll find something for everyone, especially if they’re into weapons.
Possible drawbacks:
Midgar is well-known for being an iron-fisted police state run by the Shinra, but as long as you don’t fall out of line, citizen, you should be fine. And you will be monitored 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but if you’re not doing anything wrong in the first place, this shouldn’t present a problem. You don’t have a problem with that do you? Oh, and don’t try to leave, because everything outside the city is a smoldering wasteland. Enjoy your shopping!
6. Vice City (“GTA”)
Why here?
Vice City has developed a bit of a bad reputation due to its high crime rate and the fact that it’s mostly run by various gangs, but if you can live with that, it’s an absolutely breathtaking bit of tropical heaven, with year-round temps that are always perfect swimsuit weather, stunning Art Deco architecture and a vibrant nightlife. It’s great for families, couples and singles who are looking for a city with life and personality.
Possible drawbacks:
Well, Vice City does have an incredibly high crime rate and a mostly inept police force. Living in Vice City will probably lower your life span by 10 or 20 years, but the time you do spend here, provided that you’re not blown up, shot, stabbed, run over or set on fire, will probably be the happiest days of your life. Imagine the thrill of sitting on your penthouse balcony watching the sun dip into the Atlantic Ocean with the sound of squealing tires and gunfire below.
5. Bowerstone (“Fable II”)
Why here?
Set on the continent of Albion, Bowerstone is a charming Renaissance-age city with a thriving marketplace (provided that you don’t screw it up), warm and welcoming residents (as long as you don’t piss them off) and plenty of great jobs (if you like blacksmithing or killing trolls). It has a little bit of everything for everybody, no matter what your budget. It’s also a great place to raise a family (or two or three), and will provide you with a number of great opportunities for both financial and personal growth.
Possible drawbacks:
While Bowerstone is a little cozy oasis, you’ll have to be on the lookout for bandits, thieves, killer beetles and assassins if you’re planning an afternoon picnic in the country. The locals are mostly nice unless you get on their bad side, which is pretty easy to do. When they get mad, they have a bad habit of screaming at you across the town square and calling the cops on you, but on the plus side, a quick jig or muscle flex usually makes them your friends again.
4. Creature Isle (“Black and White”)
Why here?
Who wouldn’t love a pristine island where you’re literally treated like a god? That’s the kind of treatment you can expect on Creature Isle– a town full of people at your bidding, and whether they love you or hate you, they have little choice in doing your bidding. Want a giant temple to your awesomeness? Force them to build it. Want more crops? Make it rain, baby, make it rain. The possibilities here are endless.
Possible drawbacks:
While on Creature Isle, you may be the master of your domain, there sometimes is a little problem with other gods butting in and trying to ruin your fun and steal your worshippers. For the experienced deity, this shouldn’t present too much of a problem, but some have found it a little too much.
3. Myst (“Myst”)
Why here?
Why not here? Myst Island is the perfect getaway for just you or you and a loved one. With beautiful beaches, stunning buildings and a remote location, this is where you’ll not only want to spend the rest of your days, but will provide the perfect vacation spot for when you want to have some peace and quiet.
Possible drawbacks:
While Myst Island is a paradise, you might have to invest some time in reworking some of the architecture to fit your needs, unless you want to spend 10 minutes solving a complex puzzle to unlock the door to the bathroom when you wake up in the middle of the night. However, for some, this may provide just the right of mental stimulation to prevent boredom… the first time. Want to access your wine cellar? That will take another 20 minutes of puzzle-solving. But look at that view!
2. Land of the Dead (“Grim Fandango”)
Why here?
Don’t let the “Land of the Dead” part of the name fool you– there’s nothing dead in this place– except for the residents. With a vibrant nightlife, bustling street fairs and a thriving Art Deco/Caribbean vibe, this place is one place you’ll never want to leave, which will be convenient, since you won’t be able to.
Possible drawbacks:
The main drawback is that you have to be dead first, which some people may find discouraging, but once you’re here, you’re family as they say. The land of the dead does have some crime, but it more than makes up for it with its 24 hour a day party atmosphere. While, you will never be able to leave, it’s okay. The rent’s cheap!
1. Silvermoon City (“World of Warcraft”)
Why here?
There’s plenty of great places to live in Azeroth, but none so gorgeous and breathtaking as Silvermoon City, the home of the Blood Elves. Sure, there’s Ironforge and there’s the idyllic city of Darnassus, but for sheer grandiosity, almost nothing beats Silvermoon. After the Third War, the Scourge destroyed the Western half of the city, where it still stands in ruins, but the Eastern half of the city is possibly one of the most beautiful places you’d ever want to live. With streets carved out of pure marble, majestic magical spires that seem to reach to Heaven and gold-inlaid fountains and small park spaces around every turn, this ancient place is just waiting for you.
Possible drawbacks:
Even in a city as incredible as Silvermoon, there are some hazards. For one, you’d be living in the capital city of the Blood Elves, and not everyone likes Blood Elves, what with their propensity to go a little homicidal and crazy with their magical abilities, but this rarely results in injury to locals. The main thing that you might have to shutter your doors for is the occasional roving band of Alliance adventurers looking to kill the Blood Elf leader, but that’s usually over pretty quick and if you’re a heavy sleeper, you’ll barely know that it’s happening.
Now that you’ve found your new home, check out the 10 Funniest Video Game Commercials and the 30 Funniest Video Game T-Shirts.
This post written by Orin Shepherd, who just got back from a vacation in Raccoon City. He’ll never do that again.
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